COLUMNIST FOR COMMUNITY NEWSPAPERS Questions and responses will be published weekly at: http://www.townonline.com
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SAMPLE COLUMNS, ALSO READERS SHARE THEIR ADVICE WORKING FULL TIME AND PAYING THE BILLS
By Debra Hammond/ Dear Debra
Friday, September 22
Dear Debra:
My husband and I work full time, and we have one child. Our baby girl is one year old. We bought a house, but it is not very big, especially when your child already has a ton of toys. We live on macaroni and cheese. All this working is making me exhausted. I feel like the world is going and I'm standing still. I work and he works just to come home to macaroni and cheese and a child. I would love to spend every second watching her grow.
Bills and work
Dear Bills and work:
As tough as it is working and coming home to start all over again the next day, you have to make that time for yourself and your child.
Right now, you are working toward certain goals. You bought a house and you have a little girl whom you want to spend more time with. We all want certain things, and this gives us the drive to keep going forward.
You're working hard right now just to pay the mortgage and provide dinner on the table. What I want you to do right now, if you have a moment, is to think about what you've already accomplished. You live in a house that you say is small, but that is a huge accomplishment. It's your place to call home. You work very hard and have provided a roof over your family's head. You're married with a new beautiful little girl. These are the things that are priceless.
You and your husband are working toward providing a nice home for your little girl. Try not to get discouraged. I know it's hard, but you have to look back at everything you have done to get to this point. Sometimes we need to be reminded of how we used to live and all the things that changed that made life better.
You're feeling overwhelmed right now, but sit down with your child and husband and take a moment to spend some quality time with your family. You don't want to be so concentrating on bills and work that you miss out on what is truly important. Bills have to be paid and you have to work, but watching your child growing up only happens once.
Take that one day you have off and do something that costs nothing. Take your little girl to the park. Go on a nature walk and discover the world around you. Your child will love the different atmosphere and love spending time with her mom. Hang in there. Things will get better. If things start to get too overwhelming, please email me.
READERS SHARE THEIR RESPONSES:
"Working Full Time and Paying the Bills"
Published September 22
Lori writes: "The letter from Bills and Work really touched me. I would like to give her a gift card for Stop & Shop to buy groceries. How do I do that?
(This article had an overwhelming response, and I would like to tell people your not alone, and there is people who will help if you need assistance.)
http://www.mass.gov/wic
http://www.cbn.com/
(Dear Debra donates monthly to the 700 club. She has now become a 700 gold club memeber.)
DEEP DOWN I WAS HOLDING HIM BACK
PUBLISHED MARCH 10
Dear Debra:
I left him. Why? Deep down, I was holding him back. He used to want to travel across the country. Now he sits on the couch playing video games. He watches too much TV. He had dreams. Now his dreams are dreaming about what is on TV for the day. I left him. He's not the person I fell in love with. I blame myself. We dated for years. Now he has no ambition. What did I do?
Holding Him
Dear Holding Him:
What did you do? Why are you blaming yourself for your ex-boyfriend's actions? Since you left him, do you know if he has suddenly changed because you're not around? Has he got off the couch because you left? Have you ever told him not to travel? Have you told him that his dreams were something he'd never accomplish? If you answered no to these questions, then you have no reason to believe that you're holding him back.
Things change in life that sometimes keep us from following our dreams. Sometimes our goals in life also change. You could dream of traveling across the world and then decide that traveling might not be for you. It happens. We become comfortable in the lives we live, and sometimes we don't want to accept change.
The solution would have been to talk to him about what new goal he has and what he wants out of life. What has changed that he wants to continue to sit on the couch?
Did something happen in his life that caused him to change? Life has setbacks sometimes that we have no control over and sometimes it's hard to pick yourself up, but he has to stay strong, continue to succeed, and continue to dream.
Your ex doesn't feel good about himself for some reason. If he was someone with a lot of dreams and then started to not get off the couch, then there is a problem. You e-mailed me because you care. If your ex is willing to talk with me, I can get to the root of the problem.
READERS SHARE THEIR ADVICE:
Deep Down I Was Holding Him Back"
Published: March 10
"How come this couple didn't plan things together.
He may of got off the sofa if they planned fun things."
Best Wishes, Sara
E-MAIL QUESTIONS AND ADVICE TO: [email protected]